How to teach an elderly parent to video call, step by step

Start with one app, not three

Most frustration comes from choice. If the grandchildren use FaceTime and your brother uses WhatsApp, your parent ends up with three apps, three ringtones and three ways to answer. Guidance from AllSeniors on practising family video calls recommends choosing the platform the family already uses and one consistent way for calls to arrive.

On an iPhone or iPad, FaceTime is already installed. Memorial Sloan Kettering's patient guide on staying in touch by video covers FaceTime, WhatsApp and Google Meet; any of them works if everyone who calls uses the same one.

Set the device up before the first lesson

• Sign in to everything in advance. Samsung's guide to setting up a phone for older relatives makes the point that passwords are where people get stuck, so log in yourself.
• Make text and icons larger and turn off notifications your parent does not need, so the incoming call is the only thing that pops up.
• Put the people they call on the home screen or in Favourites, with a photo, so the right face is one tap away.
• Turn up the ringer and the call volume, and check that the camera is not covered by the case.

Answering comes first

Teach your parent to answer before teaching them to call. Answering is one step, and it is enough for most families: you call at an agreed time, they pick up. Once that feels routine, add making a call.

Write the steps down, with numbers and pictures

A written card is what makes the difference between a lesson and a habit. Experts quoted by Rossiyskaya Gazeta in a piece on helping grandparents with technology stress breaking things into stages and repeating them, because older people may need more time and more repetitions. A card by the phone lets your parent repeat the steps without calling you to ask.

Keep the card short and concrete:

1. Pick up the phone or iPad. Press the side button once if the screen is dark.
2. Tap the green camera icon called FaceTime.
3. Tap the photo of Lena.
4. Tap the button with the camera to call by video.
5. Hold the phone at face height. Wait for Lena to answer.
6. To finish, tap the red button.

Name the person in the steps ("Tap the photo of Lena") rather than "select a contact". Use the exact words and colours your parent sees on the screen. Print it large, at least 18 pt, and put a small picture next to each step.

Rehearse a short call

AllSeniors suggests a 15-minute rehearsal with one patient person, in five short parts:

Minutes	What to practise
0 to 3	Receiving the call and joining it
3 to 6	Saying hello and checking that both sides hear clearly
6 to 9	Changing one thing, such as the volume
9 to 12	What to do if the picture freezes or the call drops
12 to 15	Ending the call and agreeing on the next one

Do the rehearsal where your parent will really use the device. Rossiyskaya Gazeta's experts recommend a calm setting without side conversations; the AllSeniors guide adds practical details: the camera at eye level, light falling on the face rather than a bright window behind, and the charging cable out of the walking path.

Agree on a backup

Video calls fail: the Wi-Fi drops, an update changes a button, the sound disappears. Agree in advance that if video does not work, you switch to an ordinary phone call. Write that number on the card too. Knowing there is a plan B takes a lot of anxiety out of the first calls.

Common sticking points

• "I can't see you." The camera is covered by a finger or the case. Show where the lens is and put a small sticker next to it, not on it.
• "You're very quiet." Show the volume buttons once and add them to the card.
• The screen went dark. Turn off auto-lock during calls or lengthen it in settings.
• An update moved the buttons. Reprint the card. This is the most common reason old instructions stop working.

Above all, be patient and keep lessons short. One new skill a week is plenty.

What else to put on the card

The steps are the core, but a few extra lines save many confused phone calls:

• Your name and photo at the top, so your parent knows whose card it is. If several people call, make one card per person rather than one card for everyone.
• When you usually call, for example "Sundays around 11". A fixed time means your parent is ready and the device is charged.
• The backup phone number in large digits.
• How to make it louder, with a small drawing of where the buttons are.
• What to do if something unexpected pops up: "If you see a message you do not understand, press the red button and call me on the phone."

Put the card right where the device lives, not in a drawer: next to the charger, propped against the tablet stand or stuck to the wall at eye level. Laminating it helps, because it will be handled a lot.

Make the card in Lamina

Lamina has a ready "How to video call me" card: numbered steps with pictures, with your name and photo in the text, so your parent sees exactly who they are calling. The steps are editable, so you can match the words to the app your parent uses, and the card prints in large, very large or low vision text in the language your parent reads. The video call card is part of Lamina Pro, a one-time $2.99 purchase.